STAMFORD, Conn. – After white supremacist Craig Cobb learned that he was 14% black while in front of a live studio audience for the Trisha Goddard Show, he decided to “end the humiliation” by lynching himself, according to members in attendance.
“I didn’t expect that,” said audience member Jon Baker. “Being here I figured we’d be treated to some wacky, Maury Povich-type stuff. But a real-life, up-close hanging? That’s straight out of a Tarantino flick.”
Cobb at first denied the DNA test results linking him to a Sub-Saharan ancestry, referring to the findings as statistical noise. “Wait a minute, wait a minute, hold on, just wait a minute,” said a frantic Cobb. “Do I look black to you?”
But as host Trisha Goddard moved to fist-bump Cobb while exclaiming “Bro!” Cobb reportedly said that he “could feel the blackness suddenly and uncontrollably creeping up inside of [him],” precipitating a fist-bump reciprocation.
“At that moment he realized it was true,” said Baker. “He was undeniably black. But instead of embracing his heritage, he ran from it. I guess it’s all he knew how to do.”
By this point, NBC had already cut to commercial, providing Baker and fellow audience members with an exclusive, front-row seat to the spectacle that was about to ensue—one that no one attempted to stop.
“He’s a white supremacist, which is pretty much the lowest form of humanity,” continued Baker.
“So we kind of just sat there and let him do his thing. First he created a noose from his shirt and then he stepped on to the chair. Then, well – I don’t think I need to explain the rest.”
Not even members of the white enclave that Cobb helped form in Leith, N.D. felt sympathy for their deceased white supremacist leader.