“I didn’t expect that,” said audience member Jon Baker. “Being here I figured we’d be treated to some wacky, Maury Povich-type stuff. But a real-life, up-close hanging? That’s straight out of a Tarantino flick.”
At press time, Apple manufacturers were reportedly racing against the clock – the iWatch Quattro, to be exact – to produce the iWatch Cubed.
“Focusing on putt-putt really amps up his political game, we’ve found,” continued Schultz. “Why jeopardize that inefficiency?”
“It’s all bollocks,” continued Lipton. “I don’t need to watch some poodle chasing a ball to calm my nerves. That’s what me pint of gin is for.”
“I’ve got three words for you: Canadian Football League.”
At press time, Blindo reportedly kicked himself repeatedly for failing to purchase his favorite cereal before he commenced his three-week period of isolation at home.
At press time, bombings and attacks had recommenced between the two sides, but John Kerry had not officially offered any insight, a rare victory for Israelis and Palestinians alike.
“Sure, I may only reap two undersized strawberries per day, and my turnips might be a little funky-looking, but at least we’re doing it the healthy way.”